The more I expose myself beyond my comfort zone. The more I know about myself. Human is a mysterious species. They always seeking who they are actually. For those that always stay inside their comfort zone and never motivated themselves to initial their first step. They will never learn about their true behavior, mentality, and friends around them. Get out from your comfort zone and try to survive in a extreme condition, then you will discover a lot of stuffs that you are unable to see last time. You will learn your limit, mentality and the true attitude of your friends around you.
What have I discovered in myself? In my comfort zone, I am just a normal people. Nothing special actually. A guy that wish for less work and more free time to hang around. Hate assignment and hate to bound by responsibility. But when I managed to step outside from my comfort zone and starting to work in an extreme condition. My mentality changed. I found that I have a over-seriousness issue . When I get bounded by a great responsibility, 'TTK' for example, I will work myself out to complete my task. Eventhough it will sacrifice my study and health. I could just don't sleep forever till I free myself from my responsibility. Despite of that I fear about other people discomfortable with tasks, I would try to minimize the human power and done it myself if I could handle it alone. From this, I discover 2 thing. I am a highly efficient people that will put my 100% heart in my task. 2nd, I am overly sensitive about others feeling. I always afraid of others 'beh song' feeling. I afraid that I am disturbing them and always think that other wont be as serious as me. That why, I always try to done thing alone and end up I used up every inch of my body's stamina. This is why I scared of responsibility. Not because I afraid of troublesome and lazy. I am afraid of my over-seriousness will eat myself up at the end.
Recently there is an election going on. Tomorrow will be the election day. I am involved in this stuff. Hell break loose, I am bounded by a great responsibility. Again, my fire in my heart was blazing huge. The over-serious Holim has pop again. I could ignore my study and my tiredness to complete my task. But this time, I am not happy. I am down. Though at PTCC that time, I work like a bull and even more extreme than this time. But I am happy. For every inch of effort that I have poured, it is worth. I am happy with the result I get. The PTCC is so successful till it make me forget about my tiredness.
But this time, I am not happy. My effort is not worthy. I am very regret. This stuffs, is not deserve my efforts. But I won't comment more on this. Not all bad actually. I see new things, know a lot of friends and ultimately, I know what i want. I want to become the lord. If I can't, I will only serve the greatest lord.