Saturday, January 17, 2009

My post mortem...

The more I expose myself beyond my comfort zone. The more I know about myself. Human is a mysterious species. They always seeking who they are actually. For those that always stay inside their comfort zone and never motivated themselves to initial their first step. They will never learn about their true behavior, mentality, and friends around them. Get out from your comfort zone and try to survive in a extreme condition, then you will discover a lot of stuffs that you are unable to see last time. You will learn your limit, mentality and the true attitude of your friends around you.

What have I discovered in myself? In my comfort zone, I am just a normal people. Nothing special actually. A guy that wish for less work and more free time to hang around. Hate assignment and hate to bound by responsibility. But when I managed to step outside from my comfort zone and starting to work in an extreme condition. My mentality changed. I found that I have a over-seriousness issue . When I get bounded by a great responsibility, 'TTK' for example, I will work myself out to complete my task. Eventhough it will sacrifice my study and health. I could just don't sleep forever till I free myself from my responsibility. Despite of that I fear about other people discomfortable with tasks, I would try to minimize the human power and done it myself if I could handle it alone. From this, I discover 2 thing. I am a highly efficient people that will put my 100% heart in my task. 2nd, I am overly sensitive about others feeling. I always afraid of others 'beh song' feeling. I afraid that I am disturbing them and always think that other wont be as serious as me. That why, I always try to done thing alone and end up I used up every inch of my body's stamina. This is why I scared of responsibility. Not because I afraid of troublesome and lazy. I am afraid of my over-seriousness will eat myself up at the end.

Recently there is an election going on. Tomorrow will be the election day. I am involved in this stuff. Hell break loose, I am bounded by a great responsibility. Again, my fire in my heart was blazing huge. The over-serious Holim has pop again. I could ignore my study and my tiredness to complete my task. But this time, I am not happy. I am down. Though at PTCC that time, I work like a bull and even more extreme than this time. But I am happy. For every inch of effort that I have poured, it is worth. I am happy with the result I get. The PTCC is so successful till it make me forget about my tiredness.

But this time, I am not happy. My effort is not worthy. I am very regret. This stuffs, is not deserve my efforts. But I won't comment more on this. Not all bad actually. I see new things, know a lot of friends and ultimately, I know what i want. I want to become the lord. If I can't, I will only serve the greatest lord.


Xiao Gui said...

Holim, u've done a great job in these few days. Kudos for you. You have a great attitude there.

Don't take it too seriously thou.

KennyXX said...

dear holim.

relax bro. that not your false.

really, you are most good manager i ever seen. the problem happen is because of me. i am not a good leader, i am not hard working, i has no responsibility, even, i do left all mine campaign job to you. even, you more like the candidate than me.i am so sorry, coz i should share your burden in the early time. this burden is too heavy to you.

in the first few day, i really do try to do mine best on this. but, when mine mind ask me:"what am i fighting for now? i know my self is not a good leader, but then why now i am fighting to be a leader? altought they said i have a great chance to win. but, i win not because of i am a good leader, bit is because of people told by other people that to vote me. they vote is not because me is me." when i start thinking of this stuff, i start down, even i do think of give up. but when i see you, i tell my self that i cant give up, because there is one people always do many for me.

so, holim, can we be a team once again ? even there is only one day left. But that is the only chance to us !

holim said...

After my long sleep and more-than-ample rest today. My over-seriousness issue had gone finally. Back to myself once again. Maybe I had gone too far this time. I always expect other should be as serious as me. Is my fault too. Anywhere, I am alright. No worry, we are still a team. My vote is still yours.. Don worry and ready to win tomorrow.

KennyXX said...

what i worry about is not where your vote going, but is will our friendship still be there ? what i wan is friend, vote mean nothing to me, if i lose in this election, i might try next time. but, if i lose a nice friend, it will never going back. Although i am not a greater lord, but i think i still can be a good friend isn't it ?

holim said...

Sure, of course friendship is still remain. This is a small matter. Not big deal actually. Hahaha, no problem. Prepare to win tomorrow